Where am I?

Wow It's been so long... I am no longer familiar with the format of Blogspot. I'm sorry for my absence. I'd say my silence was due to the madness of business ownership and Graduate degrees but that wouldn't be entirely true. Months ago I let someone down pretty badly. Someone I care about. A lot. I understand, in retrospect, that it was related to a series of mis-communicated intent and un-communicated frustration that eventually boiled over into something else. After failing so horribly; I realized that every time I posted here I was pretty much writing to her. When she told me that she didn't want to hear from me, that she (rightly) chose to be friends with people that wouldn't treat her in the ways I had(n't realized I had) been treating her...it was like a light went out. No will to write here. No need to share hilarity in this setting because she wouldn't read it anyway. ... :( Anyway, it turns out I'm the LUCKIEST person in the world. I will try my best, in all of the eccentric ways I have, to do a better job at life. yesssss

Good ...and Bad

Perks to owning your own business:
- you (technically) get to make your own hours
- your pay check is directly related to your performance (yay!)
- you're doing something different every day
- you get to build, foster and grow a "thing", which is satisfying.

Cons to business ownership:
- "your own hours" actually means waking up at 4:40 am to start working and then getting home at 10pm, to go right to sleep so you can wake up at 4:40 the next morning.
- sometimes, you have to remind people when they owe you money (so you can write your pay check).
- there is no such thing as "routine"
- small bits of your "crazy" often germinate into full-blown anxiety/ insanity/ gibbering idiocy.

Between the Bootcamps, regular classes, administration, and the leaking roof... oh and the Masters degree, I'm feeling a little... squirrel-y this week.

This makes me happy.

Jenny sent me this today.
It made me grin-- why you gotta kick so much ass Jenny?
:)

pictures

I keep saying "photos to come!" and not following up.
so
here.
This is from the Oregon open. Please ignore the height difference.
Everyone else is from the team that went out to Oregon to compete. Mostly West Coast guys, one other Red Tiger competitor... what a great memory.

Also: there are photos from Jenny's wedding available too. I just have to figure out how to get them up here (and if that's ok!). Soon.

Oh and: right at this minute there are two men in my kitchen dancing around to LMFAO's "Sexy and I know it" while baking chocolate cake. One of them just brought me a Rum and Egg Nogg. My Life kinda rocks.

meh

I open mic-ed. It was "meh". Inspiration to practice more and do better next time (I always feel this way...)

Re-reading Donna Haraway for a paper I'm writing: cyborg feminism. Interesting.

Have been repeatedly reminded lately of the continual struggle between the things I "should do", "need to do", and "want to do". Is there really any difference? Should it be such a struggle to reconcile these things? And what about the things I'm compeltely indifferent towards that just seem to happen anyway?

Regardless: I'm planning a trip to Maui. And procrastinating on this paper. And wishing I were better at saying the things I mean.

Tomorrow

Open Mic. I promise.

Today: sparring all round! kids, adults...then kickboxing to finish the day. Sweaty, sore and exhausted.

Tomorrow: three (three!) kickboxing seminars for local highschools. Followed by Campus for class (missing morning class for seminars... ugh. So hard to balance the two). The open mic. Seriousy.

:P
Pictures from that wedding to come.

Time Travel

I went to Ontario for the most beautiful wedding ever.
I was surrounded by people I was happy to see (that seemed happy to see me!)
I felt nostalgic. Enjoyed good company. Had a great time.

Then I came home! And continued with my disconnected but incredibly fulfilling life.
Two worlds of awesome-- but so, so separate.
*Sigh*