Alternative lifestyle

I used to worry.
I can remember trying to explain to my grade seven teacher that I was having trouble with the work we were doing because I was unable to picture myself getting married, or having a "regular" job. We were supposed to be "journaling the future" or something like that.
I remember secretly wondering if I were going to die very young, because I seemed to be the only one in class who was having trouble making up my future story.
Mrs MacDonald told me to try journaling about my wedding day, or the house I'd live in. When I couldn't think of anything she said it was because I "wasn't ready for that kind of thing" yet.

I figured it out.

It wasn't a symptom of being doomed to an early death. Or a lack of "readiness". It was the subconcious acceptance of the fact that I will never lead a "normal" life.

How on earth could I have imagined what my life would grow into? How could I predict how many paths I'd deviate from?... Why on earth wasn't I provided with coping mechanisms for the realization that other people aren't as comfortable with my life-path as I am?

Beh.

Have you showered today??

,er...

I'm not just asking invasive questions.

Our theme at the Dojo this month is "Motivation".

Clearly defined by a Tiny Tiger (5 years old!) as "Why we do things". The class went on to explain that we eat ice cream because it's delicious and we do Martial Arts because it's fun (and awesome!), but we eat broccoli because it's good for us (except Bella, who also likes broccoli). So it's OK to have different types of motivation because they're all important. The Tiny Tigers are frikking smart: I can't wait to see how they grow up.

"Motivation" is also identified by Renzo Gracie as something that "like bathing, has to be attended to daily".

:D

Sometimes motivation runs out. Bathing also only lasts until your next workout. Tend to your cleanliness AND your motivated-ness regularly for optimal results.

Heh.

train wreck

Ever witness a pile-up of circumstance that leads to an absolute train wreck?
You see it coming a mile away but can do nothing to prevent it. Either they can't see it coming or they're moving too fast to stop.

I was a passenger in a car last week for the first time in what feels like...forever. Sitting there, not driving, I could look out the window (I like looking out the window). There was a pick-up truck in front of us, driving like a jerk-face (<-- pg version of what I said at the time), squealing his tires at every acceleration.

Approaching a side-street from a main-road: a jogger starts to cross heading in the direction opposite traffic. A cyclist, heading with traffic, approaches the same side street from the other direction. The pick-up truck accelerates into the turn onto the side street, squealing his tires.

The jogger just made it past the truck, I saw him turn to look back over his shoulder as he ran. The cyclist, also now past the truck, looks over her shoulder to see what the tire-squeal was about. As she does, her path veers wide; putting her right into the line of traffic coming up behind her.

The driver in my car also turns in response to the tire-squealing, muttering something about "driving like an a-hole". He was looking at the truck. Not ahead at the cyclist that had just veered into his path.

I yelped "look!"
Not screamed: there wasn't enough time to generate any volume.
Every muscle in my body tensed, my brain screaming at me "nonononono". We were about to plow her down.

He snapped his attention back to forward and abruptly corrected his course as much as he could within the confines of the lane (thank god, he he didn't over correct into on coming traffic) and we blew past the cyclist, inches from what would have have been serious injury if not death for her.

She barely noticed.
She was still looking at the truck, still squealing it's tires as it wove its way up a straight street-- "playing" with the noise of it's tires.

One jerk driver: distracting enough to potentially kill a cyclist, or 2 or more drivers (had he over corrected into traffic) and their passengers, and endangering a pedestrian (that jogger barely made it out of the way).

I'm relieved things turned out the way they did. It turned my mind down avenues of watching wrecks happen from a distance (my own, people around me) and how much can happen in response to the smallest choices we make and actions we take.

ugh.

People

There are people in my life that have had an incredible impact on me. The kind of people that when I think about them, I can't help but grin. Partly in gratitude/ smug satisfaction that I know them, but mostly because I find thinking about all the awesome things they have, or are, or are going to do incredibly exciting.

They are generally also the people I laugh with the most (to the point of disturbing other people sometimes).

I had a phone conversation with someone I greatly admire yesterday. She's a little famous: I won't spoil anything by naming names yet. Nothing's certain. But I might get to meet and interview her. (!!!) More details to come, don't worry.

After our conversation I was literally vibrating with excitement. Not just about what we'd talked about, but because it got me thinking about all the people that have impacted me in the same way our conversation had.

I'm excited by potential greatness.
I'm excited by potential change.
I'm excited by people when they talk about the things they're passionate about.

And I'm so grateful for the people in my life that make me think along these lines.

happy!

I went fishing:

This is not the fish I caught. But this fish is about as happy as I was when I caught it.
:D
I can't wait for the salmon to start swimming upstream. I watched a documentary about grizzly bears and in some places, they just wait at the top of rapids with their mouths open and fish jump right into their waiting jaws. This is not the strategy I will use (my mouth is not big enough to catch anything more than a baby salmon...and I don't want a baby salmon). But I will be equally thrilled at my (inevitable) success.