Basically, I wish I were a Robot.

At the Oregon open (see a few posts earlier) I spent a lot of time being nervous leading up to my fights. I had to actively not think about competing in the weeks leading up to the trip; so much so that I often answered "I'm not sure yet" when people asked if I were planning on going. Thinking about it too much sent my stomach into a spiral of nervous churning.

Last weekend was the Western Canadian Championships. I didn't tell anyone until the very last minute that I was going: in fact, I wasn't fully mentally committed to it until about 20 minutes before I left. This tournament was only half an hour away: substantially easier to find than the one in Oregon.

This time I brought my Ipod. I calmed my nerves by listening to DeRezzed from the Tron sound track. Over, and over...and over. Thought about going in like a robot. Fighting. Winning. Easy.

I did win Gold (hooray!) but it wasn't easy. And not like a robot. I sweat, and fought, and ... well in general made a mess. My goal for the next tournament is composure. I want to see if I can perform with composure and still win; I am uncertain if my current method of frantically taking down, pinning and sumbitting while barely keeping my thumping heart inside my chest is necessary. I'd like to be more in control of me.

*sigh*